I think this has nothing to do with it being a sauna and more about “Girl with real good body, tits and butt” which means OP was already staring and moaning under his breath.
People like this don’t realize how much creepiness they ooze without saying a word.
for sure. i like to stare into nothing as i think my deep thoughts, and it skeeves people out a lot especially within a 20ft radius.
once you’re 21ft away though, it’s totally cool and uncreepy.
I also wonder, if he had said something normal immediately after entering it probably would have been fine. Imagine sitting in silence next to someone for 10 minutes and then they ask you a question. That’s weirder to me.
“I’m a sleazy fuckin creep, where did I go wrong?!”
I think it’s because she could see his erection.
c/bigdickproblems
TIL tits and butt are not part of the body.
Here’s the “rule”: The first time you speak to someone they should be fully clothed, unless there is a clothing malfunction you are attempting to resolve and that requires spoken communication.
It’s fine to make friends at the gym, tho that’s not what I’m ever there for. It’s fine to talk in the sauna, to people you are already on speaking terms with. It’s not okay to see someone in the sauna, appreciate their body, and use that as motivation to talk to them for the first time.
Only things said to strangers in a gym:
You finished with that, or can I go in between?
Can you spot me?
A “do you mind if I pour some water on the stones?” Is a good opener. Then you wait for them to engage. If they don’t, so be it.
Well that’s just practical. It’s exempt from the rule.
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Not true, you may address anyone at any point in the sauna if you bend over, spread your ass cheeks and lip sync every word you say with your anus.
I’m sure there are also circles where less-clothed social events do happen where not everyone at the event is already mutually acquainted. While I’ve never been to those event myself and haven’t be told the social protocols explicitly, I would assume that if you aren’t crashing the event, you are allowed to speak to less-clothed persons you’ve not met before, to introduce yourself at least.
(I’m not a pretty person, so I think I’d be even more uncomfortable that such events than I am at other social events.)
Also, always assume your intentions are transparent as glass even before you open your mouth. People can see and tell why you’re talking to them. I hate that this is something’s I learnt through trial and error.
Complete disagree. I’ve been accused of intentions I didn’t have and ascribed intentions to others that didn’t have them. Even in face-to-face communications, we are really just guessing at intent and it is often quite opaque.
In case of OOP, any attempt to hide only makes it weirder.
I agree with you though. But for people like oop it’s better they keep this assumption
She was absolutely looking to leave as soon as this guy schlubbed in to look over her “good body, tits, and butt”. The attempt at conversation was just the opening she needed to escape.
People talk in the sauna? I thought that was a nono
It seems the rest of the world has decided that saunas need to be quiet, when the actual Finnish thing is a social event. You have a beer, sometimes a sausage on the oven. I don’t know what the point of a stfu wellness sauna in a gym is.
Its social with people you know everywhere. Randos in a public sauna stay quite
People have told me and my friend to be silent twice before when we were talking in a respectful quiet tone, not even addressing anyone else.
At my local it’s like a fucking pub in there. Yapping away. I wish they would all just shit up and sweat silently
That sounds terrible. Saunas look like serene places, not for places to talk about… anything.
They should balance it out with quiet hours or something. Or maybe a silent sauna and a chatty sauna
Or maybe a silent sauna and a chatty sauna
That’s good idea, IMO.
In places I’ve been to, yeah.
I’m not interested in making small talk while trying to unlock all my chakras points and reach my final form.
She probably noticed him OGLING HER based on the description he just gave
Saunas are sacred shit. It’s like a gay bar, if you want to not be seen as a pest you 100% must stop acting like a moid when you enter. And some people just don’t want to be spoken to
how does one not act like a moid, what are common non-moid behaviors?
Well, the common behaviours are the shit you’d associate with the stereotype primitive men: reducing people to objects of sexual attraction, being oblivious to boundaries, exploiting vulnerable situations.
In this case, you just don’t stare at the other sauna guests. You look for a spot, preferably away from others, sit down, focus on your own breathing and all that and leave everyone else alone to do the same.
To take advantage of the fact that someone is naked and exposed to ogle them, then strike up a conversation they didn’t ask for (because sauna isn’t for chatting, it’s for sweating) when they already feel vulnerable and exposed, violates the trust in mutual privacy that makes shared saunas possible in the first place.
In the context of the greenext it would have been being able to sit in silence with a stranger in a leisure setting without needing to make the situation about themself. That’s an extreme situation though because sauna.
Usually it’s just reading people to know how far you should take a simple “how’s it going?”. The best advice that doesn’t apply to most people but someone should probably hear is not everything is an opportunity to shoot your shot, not that this is what happened.
I would bet it would have been fine to talk with someone. It’s not ok to hit on them. Obviously you need to read the room for all of it though. Maybe they don’t want to chat at all, or maybe they are open to flirting, but if you can’t read it well then probably STFU and keep your eyes off others.
I have a question, if i don’t watch the person how do i read the room to understand if they wanna talk? I kinda have problems with such stuff
(I just wanna say that i never have been in a sauna, i doubt i would talk but i guess that of we are in the same room.with such heat for more than 10 minutes, talking would help enduring)
“Oh, yeah, let’s read minds with the mind-reading powers that obviously all real and good humans have and should have” ahh comment.
So I have to act like a woman when I’m in a sauna? Any advice??
Heh I miss saunas. I grew up with them. Perfect bonding experience. As in stfu and meditate.
Are there places without saunas?
Every major city in America has a spa or even gym that have saunas or stream rooms. Or mountain retreats…
Well there is one nearby me at the ymca but … the membership is like a $100 a month. I can’t afford that right now.
You smell that?
OP after releasing a stream of whey farts for the past 10 minutes.
I’m imagining this as a sitcom In which the scene cuts after anon’s mouth opens, but just before words come out.
I would say the gym is absolutely not where people go to make friends, but apparently the younger generation does use it for that. That kind of blows my mind, but it’s certainly healthier than going to a bar to meet people.
Any place you go regularly can become a place to make friends.
Home?
No way, everyone hates me there. Check out this nasty case of resting bitch face.
Yeah sure, like if you have roommates you can end being friend of their friends if they spend time there.
Indeed, I have more respect for the spiders in my home than my coworkers lmao
What’s wrong with going to the bar to meet people?
Nothing “wrong”, just less healthy than the gym. Unless you only drink water at the bar and spend your gym visit drinking high-calorie shit rather than working out, the physical exercise at the latter is generally better for your health.
(Depending on your health and the extent of the workout, obviously. Don’t overdo it or ignore injuries.)
Oh yeah, that’s definitely true. From that phrasing it seemed like OP had issues specifically with people in the bar trying to meet others.
It just came across weird to me, because from my experience folks at bars are wayyyyy more open to meeting new people than in the gym.
Nothing at all.
Because the kind of girl your average young person wants to date doesn’t go to bars. Gen Z on average is rather against the entire concept of drinking altogether.
The sauna, steam room and hot tub at my gym are conversation areas, but that’s also gender segregated.
it has nothing ot do with location everything to do with personality.
the point is you can’t know what type of personality someone has until you talk to them. and everyone gets offended and upset when they are or are not approached at the gym. because well, people love getting upset and offended more than making friends these days.
It’s not difficult.
Shut the door. Shut up. Sit down and keep your mouth shut.
You are allowed to aks “löyly?” and yell “Shut the door!” at appropriate times, but otherwise just shut the fuck up.
That’s not really true, or it might be in some parts of the world.
However, in the land of the Sauna, that is the place to talk. It’s where you ask someone to be your best man. It’s where you ask your boss a raise. It’s where you agree on a business deal, or maybe to set up a monopoly with your competitors. And you best abide by these words: Never enter a Sauna sober, nor without a drink.
Never been to a womens Sauna, but I expect them to do something naughty as they don’t allow us guys there…
You can talk private if you have a private sauna.
In a public one, nobody wants to listen to others small talk.
This is why I only do big talk in the sauna.
That but with Maoism. I’m on lemmy after all.
No idea about public saunas you’ve visited. Never seen one like that.
That’s not really how it works in the US. People talk so much in the steam room/sauna, that you’re pretty much expected to have a conversation when you step inside of either one. As an introvert it’s very anxiety-inducing.
Saunas in the US are virtually never nude though either.
Isn’t that just an US thing in general? I’ve understood that everybody (especially in the south) always wants to have a conversation no matter if you’re strangers or not
Over here in the Netherlands we just ignore eachother and when you go to buy groceries you wait for them to tell you the total and than you give them the money. No need to have a whole conversation and I love it that way, i don’t think i would survive the “southern hospitality” i always read about
I’ve never even crossed the borders of Idaho and even I know not to talk in a sauna.
Sauna basics from KAJ : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSh7U3m9KgA
Is it naked I here or is that just you
In Germany everyone is naked in the sauna. It’s a rule. Ok, you might wear a sauna hat, but that’s it.
Of all the places to wear a hat, why a sauna?
It’s a sauna hat, where else would you wear it?
If there’s ever been any logic that is sound, it is this one.
Too keep your head cooler, it originates from the high humidity slavic banya culture.
As high humidity saunas, warm your skin up faster than dry saunas. You’ll not last as long, primarily due to your head overheating. So wearing a thick hat, will insulate your head from the temperature and humidity of the room
Be careful not to wear it inside out. It’ll reverse the effect!
Apparently how long you can spend in the sauna depends on how long it takes your brain to heat up. Insulating your head by wrapping a towel around it means you can stay in the sauna longer.
If you’re bald. The head is the most temperature sensitive area. It gets unpleasant too soon if you don’t have hair.
Is it like a top hat or a beret?
Like a pointed felt hat
I’m sorry, are you telling me you get to wear a wizard hat in the sauna?!?
(I apologize for my American ignorance)
It’s more like a dwarf hat but I guess a wizard hat would be tolerated as well
The real magic is the nudity though. It’s quite liberating and everyone gets accepted.
I’m not sure I (or most of my fellow Americans) can truly relate – I once had a Finnish friend who explained how kind of frequent and understated getting nude was for things like saunas, bathing dogs, and other tasks you just generally don’t want getting clothes wet for. Over here there’s such a huge culture of shame around our bodies that even being naked inside your own home can be an issue.
It’s not a big step from swimming. You just see that everyone has a body. Some are old, some are young shaved, some are not, some are skinny, some buff, some fat, some have scars, some have tattoos. The breasts and genitals are also just different for everyone and just another factor in the mix that is usually hidden. It’s just different and you notice everyone has them. There is no judging table.
getting nude was for things like… bathing dogs
Eh?
