I’ll go first…after 10 years of speculating in the market (read: gambling in high risk assets) I realized I shouldn’t ever touch a brokerage account in my lifetime. A monkey would have made better choices than I did. Greed has altered the course of life many times over. I am at an age where I may recover from my actions over the decades, but it has taken its toll. I am frugal and have a good head on me, but having such impulsivity in financial instruments was not how I envisioned my adulthood. Its a bitter pill to swallow, since money is livelihood of my family, but I need to “invest” all I have into relationships, meaningful moments, and fulfilling hobbies.
That I actually do have a bad temper and do get angry very easily, that my anger does not justify my verbal/physical reactions (nor was I ‘right’ just because I was angry) and that these reactions will hurt those I care about/those I don’t care about but still didn’t deserve my violence, which is a surefire way to end up in jail (perhaps) and in Hell (more likely).
For everyone who has similar issues, try to remember two things:
- Ambiguous behaviour does not mean aggressive behaviour.
- The flesh is weak. If you, in your anger, start a fight and perhaps just push someone and they crack their head and die/lose function, you’ll never live it down, you will always be the guy who killed someone in anger (and not even righteous anger, you’re just temperamental). And it can happen very quickly too! A good man cannot live with that, only a hell-bound one can, so either you’ll be oppressed by your guilt or you’ll realize you’ve lost your humanity and you’re a full on psycho.
For me, it was “saying no doesn’t make me a bad person.” I was raised around extremely Christian people who emphasized that you should be there for everyone, even at the expense of self.
The problem is, people eventually take advantage of you. Also, when you finally say “no” to them, they act as though you’re a terrible person.
I had this recently. My parents wanted me to make a full hour round trip drive across town to pick them up in the middle of the night so they could save $50 on a taxi. I said, “No,” as I have kids to look after now, and my mom launched into how I’m not family first anymore and after all the things she did for me as a kid, she can’t depend on me to pick her up.
I stuck to my guns though. They conned my brother with the same story, but I set a boundary.
That not only am I not a good person, it’s mostly impossible for a person to be truly good. Even knowing what good is, in its entirety, is nigh impossible. The best that can be done isn’t necessarily within my energy and/or skill.
There are wrongs that cannot meaningfully be righted.
Doing a little good some of the time is the most I can ever aspire to.
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That I didn’t know who I was. My lack of self awareness hampered my growth trajectory, my maturity, and relationships. My first failed marriage was a pinnacle of this issue. Though, fast forward 5 years, I’m a vastly different person, know who I am and what I want and where I want to end up. I feel guilty for my ex wife and the impact I had on them. I hope they’re happier where ever they may be.
For me it was the discovery that my parents were shitty people on the narcissism spectrum. I had no clue, because when you grow up in a toxic environment, it’s your “normal” and all you know.
