I was at a party where this very handsome guy kept making moves and initiating. It felt so nice to be chosen out of many people, and the chats were good rather than superficial small talk. After a while he asked “my place or yours?” No matter how much my mind was aware that I am not the type of person who can carelessly hook up and I get attached, my heart couldn’t say no in the moment. So we went to his and hooked up. We were also drunk which didn’t help. Full disclosure, he couldn’t get completely hard, and I wonder if it has to do with me but he said it’s probably because he’s drunk. We mutually did other intimate things too, and cuddled afterwards which got me - he was giving compliments and being sweet.
Then it got weird. I couldn’t sleep and woke him up once after which he turned over and at one point said “get out”. He was in and out of sleep with eyes closed, but it was very clearly said. He also claims that he doesn’t remember anything after he hit the bed. So does that mean it’s possible he was dreaming/sleeptalking and it wasn’t directed at me? I accidentally left something small at his place and he added me on social media later on saying he found it. We sent a few flirty messages back and forth across a few days, and he recently asked about my weekend plans but is now ghosting me for the second time.
I just feel old and stupid. I naively thought there could be something this time but they are all the same. I hate that I fell for it and couldn’t control myself. What should I do or say now? We’re in a professional organization (although not a workplace) where word travels fast, my friends all saw us and were so curious, and I really care what our peers think of me. I asked when he was drunk to keep this between us so I’m afraid it didn’t register deeply enough. Should I have a real talk with him, and if so, over food or just a talk in person or over the phone? I feel so lost. Please help me out, friends. Thank you!
I wouldn’t give someone I barely know a second or third chance after being told to get out and then ghosted. If he doesn’t respect you, that’s an absolute dealbreaker, in my opinion.
Is it not a bit harsh to break it off completely because of a simple text ghost? OP did not mention if it were a couple of days or weeks? If it was a longer period, sure I agree with you, but a shorter might just be that they are busy/anxious/whatever. I say follow your heart and trust in your gut feeling. Be honest with yourself OP and ask yourself if you feel they are genuine? If you like them for real, why not go on another date and see how it feels? It’s not like it’s the end of the world and you can decide if you want to continue seeing them after the date. You also get a better chance to feel them out when you are both non-drunk, etc. Just my thoughts.
Thank you so much. I agree but is it possible he was dreaming/sleeptalking and it wasn’t directed at me? Because he claims that he doesn’t remember anything after hitting the bed. Should I have a real talk with him? I’m not sure it registered deeply enough that I want to keep this private being that we’re in this professional organization
It depends how you feel. Did you feel this self-conscious/doubting/uncertain when you guys were chatting?
Some people are worth giving your time, but people that ghost you usually aren’t.
Being intimate with someone is always a vulnerable experience. Sometimes this vulnerability pays off and sometimes it does not. This encouner may have been fine for portions but overall negative. When something like this happens its best to learn from any mistakes (if there was any) and understand that sometimes we take a risk and it doesn’t work out. You may learn that you hate staying over at someone’s place. There is nothing wrong with doing something that isn’t in your character. You don’t know what is in your character unless you try something different.
You can try to continue to chat with him but that might not work. He might be embarassed that he couldn’t stay hard or could be million different reasons. At some point you will need to cut your losses and stop responding but that depends on you. We are all human and make mistakes and you should treat someone how you want to be treated.
My one real piece of advice is if you see him again at your professional organization is to act cool, professional and friendly. Its a sign of real maturity and a good life skill to practice being around people who you might feel awkward around. Also you don’t want someone to take something valuable from you (in this case the org). You shouldn’t feel ashamed for what you did because this is something that happens between two consenting adults. You did nothing wrong and should not be ashamed for it
I like this text but maybe edit the last sentence :D
Typing on phones gets hard. Added not
Personally I think hookups are supposed to make you depressed, god’s way of forcing you to develop “speed wooing” abilities (which I will explain for $24.99 inquiries at xmpp:shadowbannedfrommcdonalds). They’re almost indistinguishable—to an outsider, that is.
