Or

It’s a lie

Try explaining it very slowly while raising your eyebrows and carefully enunciating.

I haven’t seen any of this, and Google knows I’m a big old perv.

Have you guys considered

Uhhhh

Not being on Facebook and Twitter?

Well, you might be the progeny of an insular line of worthless losers, but, as an example, basically every person with European ancestry is a direct descendant of Charlemagne. Most Americans will also find an ancestor who signed the Declaration of Independence, and that wasn’t even that long ago, historically speaking, and with time everyone on the continent will be the descendant of practically all of the Founding Fathers.

If you’d bothered to think about the implications of the exponential growth of your ancestors, two parents, four grandparents, eight great grandparents, etc, and the fact that the population of prehistoric Earth wasn’t in the trillions and quadrillions you’d have figured this out on your own.

Plus, even if everyone else was like you, with a family tree with only a trunk, don’t think about it too hard or you might hurt yourself, that would still leave you with caveman ancestors.

Fucking duh.