i’ve had a sense that i’m different from some people in this regard, so i wanted to make a post about it

now, when i’m with someone, their pleasure is important to me. but it’s not something i’m deriving pleasure from, myself. call it professionalism. it’s important to me that they get theirs, because i want to be a good lover, i want them to have a good experience

in some sense, i’m sure, if i was railing someone and they were getting off super hard on it, i would probably be into that (not an experience i’ve had to date, here’s hoping); but i think that would probably still be, in large part, because i was railing them (and receiving pleasure for it, myself)

and like, i don’t mind doing things where i don’t get off. it happens or maybe isn’t convenient or whatever. i’m not a selfish lover

but, if i’m not getting off, i’m not getting off, y’know? i hear people talk about oral or whatever and they’re like “WOW it feels so good (to be giving)” and i just, don’t get it. it’s fine, it’s not bad! it’s just not like, crazy good

so. when you’re being intimate with someone, who’s pleasure are you really there for?

(i do miss sucking cock a bit, i suppose. but there’s a lot about it i don’t miss, too LOL)

    • tiedigger@fedinsfw.appEnglish
      2·
      14 days ago

      Hm in general and to be very unspecific (so wrong) I would just describe it as intimacy in this context.

      But emotional pleasure is a pretty wide field. For example gratitude is a form of emotional pleasure for the giving and receiving person. It is emotionally pleasing to be grateful as is to get regococnition.

      For your initial example your partner could get sexual pleasure but you get emotional pleasure from the regognition. However it could also be your self image of a reliable partner

    • Mandredge@fedinsfw.appEnglish
      2·
      13 days ago

      I feel like it is similar to empathetic feelings in other aspects of life. I am a pretty empathetic person. If someone I am close to is happy, it makes me feel happy. If they are sad, it makes me sad. If they are sexually satisfied, it gives me a sense of satisfaction. It is not intense like an orgasm, but a warm feeling of connection, as well as some pride at being a good sex-doer.

      I think levels of empathy vary between individuals. In other aspects of life, do you think you tend towards the lower end of the empathy spectrum?

      • primordial@fedinsfw.appOPEnglish
        2·
        13 days ago

        not at all 💀 but being horny and unsatisfied is a very loud feeling for me, so maybe it just makes it difficult to appreciate those softer sorts of feelings