• Malfeasant@lemmy.world
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      1 month ago

      As a parent of two very strong willed kids, I will say that spanking (distinct from beating) has to be at least on the table. It’s not the go-to, but the fallback if all else fails, and it does represent my failure to reach them, but sometimes it’s the only thing that gets them to understand how serious something is.

      In contrast, their (ultra Christian) grandma would call me soft, she used to go straight to spanking without warning, she felt that you shouldn’t threaten, just do, and they’d learn soon enough. I would much rather threaten a spanking than actually do it… And it works, at this point I haven’t spanked either kid in a couple years, though I have threatened it maybe twice in the last year.

      • Zeddex@sh.itjust.works
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        30 days ago

        Or you know, you could break the generational trauma. Just cuz you don’t do it as much as me ma did doesn’t make it right.

      • Noja@sopuli.xyz
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        30 days ago

        it’s the only thing that gets them to understand how serious something is

        No, also spanking is child abuse (for all the people upvoting this shit).

        • Malfeasant@lemmy.world
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          2 days ago

          It’s not.

          The legal distinction hinges on “reasonable force”. In the U.S., parental corporal punishment (like spanking) is legal in all 50 states if it is intended for correction, is appropriate for the child’s age, and leaves no lasting injury. Abuse occurs when force becomes excessive, unreasonable, or causes physical or emotional harm.

      • JamesBoeing737MAX@sopuli.xyz
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        30 days ago

        Sincerely, fuck you. As a person who experienced beating (and other physical and psychological abuse by multiple family members).

        Even if you (in your subjective opinion) beat your child just the right amount, you will probably overstep the boundary at some point. My dad used to occasionally beat me, sometimes he had a reason (which I figured out from context or was told from someone else, I was never explained what I did wrong) and sometimes, I feel like he didn’t. He once tried to suffocate me with the sofa cuishoning (the only reason I survived was because I tilted my head enough I was able to breathe), and I still don’t know why he chose to do that.

        I also had to come to school with a visible bruise around my eye (and was afraid the social services would be alerted, as at 13 I already knew that, as an Autistic, I wouldn’t be treated well).

        There was also some psychological abuse from my mother, which I won’t write about here because this is turning into a disorganized rant (but I feel like she enjoyed my pain, while my dad didn’t).

        I don’t think I learned anything from being abused, apart from being quiet and avoiding confrontation whenever possible.

        Also, “bare ass” spanking (which I haven’t experienced) is sexual abuse and no one could convince me otherwise.

        YOU are normalizing even worse types of abuse, but somehow people are fine with it.

        • givesomefucks@lemmy.worldM
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          29 days ago

          I think the big distinction is “spanking” versus “beating”.

          A light slap is something that has been used for longer than humans have existed up to about 40 years ago. Like, we see that in all mamalls that raise their young. You give them a small negative consequence that hurts a little but doesn’t cause damage, no where near as much damage as if the behavior wasn’t corrected

          A human brain isn’t developed until 25, some times a clear negative consequence needs to be on the table to break bad behavior that has a much worse negative consequences. Because the child doesn’t have the critical thinking to understand how bad the potential negative from the action could be

          Tell a 6 year old not to chase a ball into the street, and they keep doing it…

          You spank them because it’s better than getting hit by a fucking car , or having a creep snatch them up if they get away from the house quickly before you notice

          That’s 1000% different than beating a kid for whatever reason the parent used justified it.

          Acting like any physical discipline is the same as whatever you experienced just isn’t logical, and you attacking others like this instead of trying to learn the difference is a common result of past abuse.

          Because even if you understand it was abuse, your brain was trained to submit to authority, so when you believe someone is wrong, you try to make them submit to your authority, instead of looking at it logical…

          You’re the perpetuating that attitude ironically enough. Which is people who were legitimately abused need to eventually see a professional to work it all out. Not saying that as a judgement, just saying that type of shit has lifelong effects.

          Anyways, try to be more civil.

            • givesomefucks@lemmy.worldM
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              1 day ago

              This is some weird deja vu…

              I 100% remember that exact comment, and it looks like it happened to a couple of your comments in this thread.

              You’re from this instance tho, so it can’t be a federation thing…

              Anyways, curious enough to ask if I’m remembering wrong and you really made that comment five hours ago and not a month ago

          • JamesBoeing737MAX@sopuli.xyz
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            29 days ago

            Well, I’m not denying, that spanking isn’t way better than beating or other types of abuse, but always explain your kids what they did wrong. Kids aren’t stupider than adults, they are just less experienced. “Beating the shit out of them” is just a way to assert authority by emotionally scaring them.

        • Malfeasant@lemmy.world
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          2 days ago

          If the alternative is them getting shot by cops because they don’t think they have to get out of the car when told, I’m ok with that.

      • Bluescluestoothpaste@sh.itjust.works
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        29 days ago

        That’s what yelling is for, dont yell at the kids for nothing, when they’re actually about to do something dangerous you yell and it scares the shit out of them, no need to ever escalate to spanking or smacking, and it will still work when they’re teenagers and perhaps bigger than you.